


Glass Walls and Dirty Tiles

by ShiDreamin



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Character Study, Introspection, M/M, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Project Sworn Community Zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22668802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiDreamin/pseuds/ShiDreamin
Summary: “Felix,” another pause, though briefer than the one before, “am I really so awful?”“At what?” The urge to stare at his demons is too large. Felix relents, allowing himself this half step turn. As expected, Dimitri refuses to fully meet his eyes, and still, under the scatterings of moon light cut through stained glass, Felix can almost picture him with a likeness akin to the old saints, faded into rubble, standing still in this old chapel as the world swings by.It feels that way sometimes—staring at his unchanging back, even as red rains from the heavens and screams echo in his ears.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38
Collections: Project Sworn, Zine Pieces





	Glass Walls and Dirty Tiles

Voices.

They rise and fall in low murmurs, echoing along the floor. Felix pauses, swallowing his pants, wiping at the sweat along his skin. Against the ground, steady, steadying, he draws two short lines with his sword, waiting. Listening.

It’s a voice. Just one.

One Felix is awfully familiar with.

It’s with a grimace that he sheaths his sword, giving the dismal remains of the training ground a scathing look. Ordinarily, a proper sparring session would clear his head, give him some time to regain peace when night scares take hold. He had just been about to relax when the shuffling of feet and whispers had forced him still.

The words twist along the wind, hollow murmurs and cries, and Felix grumbles as he takes a quickened walk over. It’s far too late, and too early, to deal with such nonsense.

From the window, he can see the shape of his so-called leader.

The colors of stained glass distort and pull at the moonlight, streaming pools of tinted pinks and greens along the church floors, over the pews, across the lone figure kneeling at the altar, head bowed. Felix swallows, taking a step onto the wrinkled carpet, noting the sprays of blue and purple that darken against the black of his boot. Another step, another, until Dimitri’s voice dies into a shaky silence between them. He stills, watching, as Dimitri’s back unfurls, blonde strands lingering against his hands, until haunted eyes meet his own.

“Felix! What are you doing awake so late?” Easy words, if they weren’t spoken with such a croak. Felix grunts, narrowing his eyes.

“None of your business. Why are you here, boar?” The words lose their scathing edge when Dimitri winces, bags under his eyes becoming increasingly prevalent as the months go by. Time at Garreg Mach has been bad to the Blue Lions, Sylvain and Ashe’s personal laundry aired out, and every passing day seemed to have drained more from Dimitri.

The man standing at Felix’s front is no more than a sullen husk of a person.

“It’s nothing, just a bad night.” An understatement. Dimitri’s lips quirk up in a piss-poor attempt at a smile, ending up more around a grimace. Felix crosses his arms, waiting, though there is nothing more to say.

“Feh. Another excuse, as expected of you.” Dimitri twitches, though whatever words in his mouth never emerge. Instead he crosses his arms, swaying side to side, brows knit together. Felix scoffs, letting his shoes smear dirt along church floors. “Go to bed, you’re disturbing the humans.”

“Felix.”

It’s a remarkably bad idea to stay with beasts for longer than necessary, and yet, Felix finds his feet come to a squeaky stop at the foot of the church. There is nothing but a shallow echo within the church walls, a breath echoing until it has become a haunting reminder of the man behind him. He swallows, his knuckles cracking as his fingers twitch shut, for a moment wishing he had carried with him the sword he had used for practice.

He has a dagger strapped to his uniform. It will have to be enough.

“What is it?” Though he can hear the soft wisps of Dimitri’s breaths, there is no rustle of movement. Good. The reach of a spear would put Felix at a disadvantage this close.

“Felix. Can we—could we speak? About,” wavering, hesitation. Felix bites down a grunt, his eyes pinched. This irritatingly indecisive aspect of Dimitri is new, fresh, borne from just a few years ago. When they were younger, when they were together, Dimitri had been a natural borne leader. Energetic, friendly, loud.

That was a long time ago.

“Speak, boar. Quickly. I want to get some sleep tonight.” Unlikely; the dull prickly annoyance has wrought Felix from sleep time and time again.

“Felix,” another pause, though briefer than the one before, “am I really so awful?”

“At what?” The urge to stare at his demons is too large. Felix relents, allowing himself this half step turn. As expected, Dimitri refuses to fully meet his eyes, and still, under the scatterings of moon light cut through stained glass, Felix can almost picture him with a likeness akin to the old saints, faded into rubble, standing still in this old chapel as the world swings by.

It feels that way sometimes—staring at his unchanging back, even as red rains from the heavens and screams echo in his ears.

“At—at, I’m not _sure_ , Felix. Is that not the problem? We have been friends for so long, and yet… Do I really deserve so little as to be named a beast by my friend?” Uneasy. Unbalanced. Shaky. Such a different back from the one Felix saw marked in red.

“I saw you.”

Relentless. Furious. Still.

“We’re in a military academy. Of course we’re going to have to fight. But you,” the words are more spit than syllables, days turned weeks to months to lingering years of resentment at the forefront of his tongue, “you _enjoy_ it! You enjoy killing, the pleas, the scene of a groveling man before you hack him down.”

Dimitri’s silence is too easily won. In comparison, Felix can feel the unsteady rock of bile, spittle within his mouth as he heaves, scathing words lingering heavy in the air between them. It’s deserved.

“What else do I have to call you if not beast?”

Blue.

They bloom at Dimitri’s beck and call. Daggers and swords raised, axes and spears held steady, the high note of an arrow strung. It’s their job, here, as students of this academy. It isn’t as though servitude isn’t an uncommon feeling to Felix.

But what is the point of his work here, if all he’s aiding is a man who will smile and laugh as he lays waste to families, to people, to those who would cower and sob and plead not unlike those Dimitri had once sought to protect?

“It’s true.” Finally. His words echo in the quiet between them, hollow and useless as any excuses. Felix rolls his eyes, crossing his arms; surely, with no doubt, Dimitri will be cowering again, defenseless and unstable in light of his monstrosity.

“You’re right, Felix. I did enjoy that. Fighting them, killing them, their, screams, even.” The snort that escapes Felix cuts Dimitri short, an uneasy lingering. Yet when he speaks again, the edge to his words is sharper. “Call me a beast then. You are correct. But, even so, Felix…”

“Even as a boar, can’t I ask you to remain my friend?”

Pathetic. Even in the depths of night, alone with his crimes rung in the air, Dimitri still has some worthless ambition to ask for this. This friendship, as though it’s worth anything. Stupid. Stupid.

Felix gnaws on his inner cheek, forcing himself to meet Dimitri’s eyes. The blank blue in them stares, unflinching, wanting. Cold, in a distantly inhumane way, and yet, the tightness in his shoulders, the nervous habit of flicking his fingers, the slight bent to his waist.

“You are pathetic.” Felix voices. Dimitri flinches, his eyes slipping away just a moment. Human. It makes Felix unreasonably mad.

“But. I’m not so amazing myself.” The shock on Dimitri’s face is laughable, and for once this damnable night, Felix can find a twitch at his lips. Dimitri’s hands wrangle in the air, pulling at nothing, until they relent to claw at his tunic, stretching and wringing the fabric. All the while, his eyes stay locked.

“Boar. I’ve stayed here this long, haven’t I?” Felix grimaces, feeling a familiar warmth creep upwards from his neck. Disgusting. His feet kick at the floor, but the damage is done, and then Dimitri is striding forward with a lightness to his eyes.

“Felix!” It’s an urge to dodge the widening arms, and yet, Dimitri is the one who freezes in place, elbows at an awkward angle. A dry cough forces its way into the air between them, Felix grimacing and Dimitri with a shaky smile. “Can, um, would it be alright for me to hug you?” Stupid. Felix rolls his eyes, and with a single step forward, grasps at Dimitri’s arms. They follow him with ease, such ridiculous ease, as though Dimitri were not capable of breaking free of any grip, until they are wrapped at Felix’s back.

“Why,” he murmurs at the base of Dimitri’s neck, acutely aware of how he stiffens at the breath, “are you awake so late, boar?”

Dimitri’s hum travels through their bodies, pressed oddly close, and though Felix has slackened his arms Dimitri remains close, face neatly tucked away from his gaze. Even so, he can imagine the flickering doubts on his face, hidden under blonde locks.

“I was looking,” Dimitri relents, and then he’s loose, taking a half step away. Too close, yet too far to keep that lingering warmth between them.

“For what?” The request to aid is at the tip of his tongue, and though unspoken Dimitri grins, shaking his head. Felix bites down on his lip, an odd flicker at the base of his neck.

“Peace, I think. Just, a moment to reflect.” His eyes meet Felix’s own again, the same dull blue as always. With his stupid noodle hair, and his shallow smile, Dimitri gives Felix one last look before taking another step back. “About being a beast, I suppose.” He’s _receding_. It’s barely a flicker of a thought in Felix’s mind before his mouth is working again, teeth clicking together in the cold.

“That’s stupid.” Dimitri blinks, an uneasy edge to his mouth again, though Felix charges on regardless. “Tackling your issues alone is a stupid thing to do.”

“But, didn’t you—”

“Well, I’m not a beast!” Dimitri blinks twice more, agape, and when Felix grabs at his wrist he relents, letting the other force him forward again. “If you want to find peace about _that_ , then you should consult an actual human instead of—of this! Just,” his voice wavers in the moment, the echo of his own shout rekindling in his ears, “I’m here.”

“Facing all your problems alone is why you became a beast to begin with.”

At the very least, Dimitri’s gaping face is a pleasant ending to his night. Snorting, Felix pulls away, making sure to take a wide step to the doorway. It’s far too late for this nonsense, and if either of them plan to get any sleep tonight, they had best do it now.

“Go to bed, boar. I’ll be here tomorrow, understood?”

“Understood!” Ah. Felix was wrong. Dimitri’s unsteady smile pulls into a full one, mesmerizingly bright against the dark shadows of the church, the spilling of colors onto the dirty tile floor. That. That is the best ending to his night.

**Author's Note:**

> My half of a fic/art collaboration for Project Sworn! Check out our pieces @shidreamin (https://twitter.com/shidreamin/), @brotome (https://twitter.com/brotome) and the Project Sworn page (https://projectsworn.com)!


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